As someone who has unfortunately dealt with toxic friendships before and the pain it takes to cut them off, I understand how hard it can be to actually recognize when some relationships are bad for you. Not everyone will explicitly show you their ill will, but will rather pretend to be happy for you while seething from jealousy on the inside. While we will go into the telltale signs of how to make out a toxic friend, just remember to trust your gut. Sometimes, it is not your duty to give them the benefit of the doubt but to rather trust what your body and mind are telling you. This isn't to say you shouldn't give them a chance to explain themselves, but rather to listen to yourself when you feel absolutely exhausted and drained after interacting with them. After all, the point of hanging out with friends is to relax for a bit, not to feel more tired than before!
You give more than you get.
Very much like any relationship, a friendship is a two-way street. One more indication of a harmful companion is that they make every little thing about them and don't appear to be paying attention to you and sympathetic to what you're going through. For example, while you're talking with them, they might figure out how to zero in the discussion on themselves and their encounters as opposed to giving you the chance to share your own problems.
You don't believe they want the best for you.
Indeed, even the best of friends are imperfect, however they generally mean well, and that has a major effect. Whenever we commit errors in a friendship, that is the point at which the intention truly matters. While an old friend could unintentionally hurt you when their goals were great, that is much more easy to forgive than when a toxic companion deliberately harms you.
They gossip about other people to you.
Even before a friendship becomes harmful, there are warnings to pay special attention to including how your companion discusses others. For example, assuming they gossip about friends a lot and justify it by saying they just do so on the grounds that they care about them, that might be an indication that your companionship with them is heading down a toxic path. Or on the other hand, maybe they don't blabber about others however they are excessively critical when they discuss them or they appear to be envious, scheming, or tyrannical. Odds are good that one day it will come around to you.
They don't seem to listen to your problems.
Friends are there to care about you when times are tough. If you are always there to listen to their problems or concerns, but they never seem to return the goodwill, it may be time to let them know how it affects you and how you feel. True friends are there to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on if needed, and if they can't be bothered to have a real conversation with you, they most likely don't care about you.
They put you down.
Your friends ought to praise your prosperity, not reduce it. Be wary of the person who makes sarcastic remarks when you share your achievements or uplifting news. In a real friendship, somebody will urge you to develop and succeed, not be jealous or critical.
They aren't trustworthy.
One of the greatest advantages of companionship is knowing that your best pal will be there when you truly need them. A toxic companion, nonetheless, may not satisfy that, regardless of whether you set forth the effort and energy to show up for them when they need you.
You don't enjoy spending time with them.
If you start feeling this way, it's most likely because you're worn out on investing more energy than the companionship is worth. It can feel really depleting or like a chore to talk to them. You likewise could take note an expansion in nervousness, headache , or stomach aggravation when you have an upcoming interaction with your friend.
They exclude you in your mutual friend group.
While this can sometimes be unintentional and a mistake, sometimes a repeated habit of leaving you out of group activities can be another sign. If you haven't talked to your friend about it, it is possible to give them the benefit of the doubt. However, if they repeat the habit knowing how you feel, or simply dismiss it off as you being overly sensitive, it's time to acknowledge that your friend may not really be your friend.
They make you second guess yourself.
Rather than offering help, harmful friends tie in gaslighting techniques to put you down. They lie or distort information to make disarray and stress. They do this deliberately to wreck you and wreck with your head. For example, they could make up a phony story to keep away from their own personal responsibility, fault you for their weaknesses or missteps, or make general confusion and stress in your existence.
You find yourself changing to please them.
One more indication of a bad relationship is when your companion doesn't acknowledge you for what your identity is and you end up changing something about your character or appearance that doesn't feel right. A genuine friend could never say that you should change what your identity is. Your companions should to motivate you to be your best self — not somebody totally different.
So, we know they're toxic. What to do now?
Rather than cut them off immediately, there are other steps to try before then. In the event that you're uncertain about whether you ought to end the companionship, you could try getting a "rude awakening" on the relationship by talking to others about it and getting their feedback. A outsider's viewpoint can cause you to notice warnings you didn't see or have hidden away from plain view.
However, if your friend tries to turn it on you or refuses to accept the feedback, it may be time to truly cut them off and stick with that boundary. Even if you cannot end the friendship on a constructive note, it's best to accept that as the final closure and move on.
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